The Pakthryxl Proxy

Navigating the Wild Line!!! Nereids are Fascinating
Captain's log found on beam

The Mayor sure took a shine to Lorenz and Myrrh because as we were departing he appointed two female undine guides to help us navigate through the maze of treacherous reefs and endless rocky islands. With our guides we winded our way through the steep cliff faces and towering crags with ease, and we didn’t stop until a collapsed stone pillar barred our way. As we prepared to move the pillar with our piton grappling cannon, two humongous Merrows popped out of the water and charged the boat. We must of fell victim to their ingenious trap and raised the ship alarm.

These ugly monsters must of stood 20ft high and weighed as much as a whale. I started uploading my musket into their faces but they did not stop. One effortlessly snatched Myrrh off the top deck and dove back into the water. The other soon was cut down by the coordinated attacks of Goethe, Lorenz, and myself. We all moved off the boat, careful of falling in the water, onto the outcropping of rocky islands to help Myrrh. Falling in to the water looked like certain death due to the monstrous lightning charged jellyfish that were swarming. The fleeing Merrow still grasping Myrhh attracted the largest lightning breathing jellyfish and it zapped them big time. I tried to finish off the Merrow for Myrrh, but my musket jammed at the wrong time. I watched helplessly than excitedly, as Myrrh deftly sliced the Merrow’s throat and jetted out of the water just in time to escape the jellyfish tentacles. He looked drowned. exhausted, burned, and clawed but he still gave me the thumbs up.

I called to Lorenz and Goethe for help but something else had their attention. I gave Myrrh the thumbs up and left him to check on the others. As I got near them, my attention was drawn to a strikingly beautiful woman in the water who was completely naked except for a tiny shawl. She beckoned to Goethe and me to follow her into the water, which we did without hesitation, and she led us to a secluded grotto. I jealously watched as she used her formidable assets to soften or stiffen up Goethe. Her charms must of cracked his shields because the old devil soon gleefully gave her the fanciest ioun stone orbiting his head. She freaking loved the bauble and snuggled up to him even closer. “I don’t have any floating stones”, I meekly called to her, “Do you want some gunpowder?”. She quickly told me to get lost since she and Goethe needed some alone time. “Lucky bastard, I am going to have to get me some floating stones!”, I thought as I swam back to the boat. A very concerned Lorenz picked me up in a rowboat, but by the time we got to Goethe he was alone and quite blue.

The undine lady scouts called us fools to be tricked by a Nereid. We searched for her but Nereids are impossible to track in the water. After giving up on our search we returned to the boat only to find Myrrh had gone missing. We couldn’t find a trace of him. Was he taken by the Nereid? Did he fall into the water and get eaten by jellyfish? Did he have to go kill somebody? Did his invisible trick malfunction? We looked like mad for him, but eventually our operation was stalled by a giant boulder blocking the entrance to a vast lake. “Crap in my Captain’s hat! Is this where the Dragon Turtle lives?”, I thought. What in the hell happened to Myrrh?

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Sahuagin and Undines!!! Azlant is Inhabited?
Captain's log found on main mast

Goethe and Aven expertly explained the creatures on the shore were Sahuagin, probably a raiding party. I asked Aven if he knew any of the fish monsters. Almost all of the Sahaugin had extra limbs and tridents which made them look pretty scary. “Watch out they frenzy at the sight of blood”, Goethe academically recalled. I was more surprised by the fact Azlant was freaking inhabited! I thought the Mordant Spire Elves were going to be crawling around like cockroaches having killed everything else. The existence of Sahaugin makes me think there might be a Kobold community hidden deep in the mountains with some fine ladies!!!

We butchered the Sahuagin like lambs to the slaughter. They even had an extra 15 men hidden in the cliffs that charged in, but we still tore them limb from limb. My musket barrel was hot as dragon fire from the continuous stream of fired bullets. Goethe summoned the hounds of hell and flew above the battlefield like a vulture. Myrrh danced through the frenzied mob untouched while filleting them one after another. Aven fought under the water and hacked apart many including their leader. Lorenz…hmmm…I don’t remember what he did.

When we searched the cliffs for more enemies several undine scouts approached us and marveled at the carnage on the beach. They were friendly and took us back to their village, Nylgune, which was safely nestled among the narrow reefs. By all accounts, Nylgune, was a peaceful settlement almost completely isolated from the rest of the world. The village-folk held a triumphant parade in our honor since we coincidentally saved the village from the Sahaugin raiders. Again, I couldn’t believe so many people lived on Azlant. Were we really on Azlanti shores? Maybe those Kobold maidens do exist?

We met the mayor of Nylgune, who Lorenz and Myrrh stuck to like sucklings to a teat. I felt disgusted at the level of ass-kissing on display during the victory banquet at the palace. The mayor’s head was so swollen by Lorenz and Myrrh’s flattery, he gave them the shark-tooth necklace he wore around his neck. A just shook my head in disbelief. I may not have taken part of the noble pageantry but I kept my ears open and eyes peeled. A few things I learned, a great Dragon Turtle guards the last lake leading to the mainland, the Sea Drakes have migrated away from the shores, and Sahuagin war-bands were on the rise. Lastly, the mayor told us the Mordant Spire Elves don’t come around much to these secluded parts and have no ill-will towards his people.

Nylgune seemed like a safe place to make preparation for the expedition inland. We took the opportunity to sell treasure and buy gear. The journey ahead will be a mystery filled with danger and excitement. I can’t wait for the Dragon Turtle!

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Land Ahoy!!! Azlant, The Shattered Continent
Captain's log found amidships

Myrrh, Aven, and myself caught our breath on the shining shoal while enjoying the afterglow of an epic victory. “You crazy-eyed fucking Kobold, you blew up the ship while we were still on board!”, both men exclaimed. “Well just a little”, I snickered. I turned to the smoke bubbles of the wreckage and shouted, “That’s what you get when you piss me off, holes in your goddamn boat!”. Lorenz and Goethe soon found us, they had two dejected looking munthrek females in bonds with them. Wow those two sure can parley! Winning sure felt good.

I oversaw the repairs to my boat. Lorenz and Myrrh interrogated the remaining pirates looking for good eggs. Aven and Goethe salvaged everything of use from the Never Enough including six magically cannons. Within four days we were ready to set sail for Azlant. On that last night, we held a magnificent victory banquet to offer Volla’s corpse to Goddess Besmara in explosive fashion. I was astonished Lorenz and Myrrh could convince the surviving pirates to join the party, gotta love a pirate’s loyalty. During the middle of the party, we placed Volla’s gutted body on a rowboat with lots of powder kegs, the first one to explode the wench wins. Lorenz won by cheating with a cannon. As the halfling’s bloody body was blown into itty bitty bits, a mysterious voice whispered “They will be another the Pirate King wills it”. I cheered even louder. Besmara approved of our offering and she made it rain gold coins sending the banquet into a frenzy.

We sailed off in the morning, but left the cockatrice charmer chic on the atoll, Lorenz thought she was too dangerous to keep around. We zipped through the waves without a hitch for many days until Azlant was right before our eyes. We chose the less traveled waterway through the wild forest to penetrate the continent in order to find the treasure. All was calm until it wasn’t. Our ship, the Deep Sea Current, decided to disobey my commands and attempted to attack a village of natives. The Current could not be settled due to the presence of it’s natural enemy. I thought it only fair to route the monsters on the ship’s behalf since it has done the same for us. Cruel death to the Deep Sea Current’s enemies!

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Conclusion!!! The Pirate Queen’s Demise
Captain's log found in pantry

Lorenz was none too happy when he learned that he missed the parley with the False Pirate Queen and even more pissed when he learned the details. “Amateurs, I am surrounded by fucking amateurs”, he repeated under his breath when he heard each depressing detail of the parley. We worked fast to put together a daring plan to seize what little opportunity remained. Lorenz and Goethe would parley with the enemy casters at the tower, and the rest of us would assassinate the false queen after sneaking on board the Never Enough.

We hid underwater in the reefs waiting for the Never Enough to approach for a long time. I wondered how Goethe and Lorenz were keeping the enemy casters busy. Were they fighting for their lives while we were soaking in the waves? It was not my concern anymore, getting Myrrh back and the Pirate Queen dead was the focus. Once the Never Enough was in sight we gave Vilya Suul the signal to kill the wind. The Never Enough slowed and Aven expertly latched on to the hull with me in tow. While climbing up, I got a brilliant idea inspired by Tebrilith, on how to cause true havoc so I gave Aven a wink and snuck onto the cannon bay.

The munthrek females were anxiously waiting for their captain’s signal to start shelling the Shredder and Deep Sea Current to take notice of little old me. I took out an alchemist fire and tossed it at stacked pile of powder kegs. “Fire”, I heard the munthreks scream, “The powder kegs are on fire!”. I trained my musket on the the fiery kegs and pulled the trigger. The explosion was much bigger that I expected and caused a chain reaction of exploding powder kegs like popcorn. Splinters of wood and people were blown into the air, and I barely managed to keep my scales. The destructive force of the explosion almost completely blew the nose of the ship off. It was not enough!!! I wanted total destruction, I wanted revenge for my boat. I swiftly shot holes into several more powder kegs and tossed another alchemist fire. As the second explosion rocked the ship I quickly took the ladder up to the top deck. This ship was a time bomb now!

It was quite the circus on the top deck. Vaghol was being worshiped by peons. Aven was bloodied about to be attacked by a teary eyed Captain Gifford. Myrrh was flickering in and out of sight, fencing with a halfling. Plus everything was on fire. My plan had worked masterfully, I calmly aimed my musket at Gifford and blew her away. The Never Enough began submerging under the waves the bubble layer kept the sea out but the smoke in. The ship was buckling under the pressure of the water and the gunpowder explosions were tearing through it’s belly. It was time to abandon ship before the munitions bay caught fire.

Suddenly I heard Myrrh shout, “She is escaping!”. Aven locked on to Volla like a charging shark and climbed on board her escape craft much to her shock. I took a few pot shots at the queen but the distance was too great and she too crafty for any to land. All of our hopes rested on Aven, if he failed, we would lose her to the currents and she would swear revenge. Aven was covered in blood from gill to toe from hard fights, but he was still swinging his sword. I thought he was a goner when the Pirate Queen’s hand axe sank critically deep into his chest. He gurgled up a gallon of blood and clenched his teeth for one last attack, the attack met flesh and bisected the False Pirate Queen. We won!

Before the celebration to start we must find out the terms of the parley. All eyes to the tower…

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Where Things Continue to Go Boom
That is How You Parley!

I have heard said that I am an exceptional negotiator. I feel that in this instance it is exceptionally true. Especially given the current state of negotiations before my involvement…

I would say by the time I have finished with this dancer and her sea priest they will have conceded to every term. I am confident we will leave with the Folly, the Shredder, and all of wealth that was brought to the table, including compensation for Hellig’s ordeal.

Yes, my natural talents working perfectly with my highly honed skills will close this chapter.

I mean yes, the fact that the pirate queen’s vessel seems to have exploded and gone under water helps my position. I swear I heard the kobolds squealing with glee right before the eruptions began.

The fact that Aven slew an individual of short stature on a swan shaped boat, that may or may not be the Pirate Queen has little to do with how well this is going. Sure, my three friends seem to be the only ones left, could indicate that the Aven, Myrrh (Kitsune), Reskafar Xurwkar, and the Rune have finished off the Pirate Queen’s entire crew… But, that does not stop negotiations.

After all a parley is parley, a deal is a deal and I am one damn exceptional negotiator.

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Failed Negotiations!!! Myrrh in Trouble
Captain's log found in a rowboat

BOOM GOES THE POWDER KEG!
The salt pepper explosion was impressive and much more fantastic than my personal armament. It was almost beautiful, the way the fiery shrapnel lit the island vegetation on fire and pushed a mushroom cloud of smoke into the sky, except it also blazed my friends. Myrrh looked half dead, but Lorenz and Tebrilith looked like cooked death. I gave enough time for my exploded comrades to re-board before returning my attention on the Pirate Queen. By this time, Aven commandeered the Shredder and had the few remaining gunners target the Never Enough. With two ships against one, the tide of battle had turned in our favor!

The Never Enough raised the parley flag. It was time to negotiate terms of our victory; however, Lorenz’s wounds were too grievous for him to take lead. The Pirate Queen insisted on audience at a specific time and a lengthy banquet to follow. Myrrh, Aven, and I took leave of the ship to meet with the supposed Pirate Queen, but not before scouting the tower. Three lovely munthrek women arrived late to the tower introducing themselves as Captain Gifford the Pirate Queen and two high ranking officers. They began expertly preparing a very deliberate and extravagant dinner as calm as circling sharks. I watched the first mate Reyna Olyver slowly fold napkin birds and the second mate shine the cutlery. This was not how I pictured this parley playing out, their idle chatter and carefree demeanor was more than we could take, so we flinched first, second, and third.

“Enough of this bullshit, we want Volla Afalle’s head on this platter, then you wenches can sail off into the sunrise!”, I shouted in frustration. That name shattered their domestic charade and brought them crashing into the filth where I dwell.

“How did you come by that name, Kobold?”, Captain Gifford mumbled through her clenched teeth obviously shocked.

Feeling I had the upper-hand, I righteously spouted, “The Pirate Goddess Besmara told us that name. We are her servants and the she wants Volla dead. Now go fetch her head for us, the tide is going out”. As soon as the word “tide” rolled off my tongue it all clicked like the inner workings of my musket.

Captain Gifford saw the wave of realization about the tide in our faces and pressed her boot to our throats, “Your ship will be stranded as soon as the tide leaves and you will be at the mercy of my twenty cannons. Since your mouths spew only venom, I declare this parley over!”

Myrrh quickly stepped in, “Let us not be hasty, I am sure we can come to an accords”. His hand slowly, almost invisibly, reaching into his cloak.

“Hand over 1,000 gold per crew member to continue this parley. Take it or die with the tide”, commanded the supposed Pirate Queen.

“Very well", Myrrh replied not missing a beat, “We will need to go back to our ship to to collect that much treasure”. His hand disappeared farther into his cloak. I anticipated Myrrh to strike her dead at any moment with his hidden weapons.

“As a sign of trust, let us swap crew-mates. Who among you will put his life in your companions hands and come aboard the Never Enough with me? I will send Reyna to your ship to collect the gold.”, declared the munthrek.

Myrrh smiled, removed his hand from his cloak, and with a slight bow answered, “Take me”. Aven and I were about to lose our shit until we noticed Myrrh flicker a wink to us that seemed to say “I got this”.

I have no idea what is about to happen, but I will not underestimate these pirate bitches again. I have faith Myrrh will provide an opening for us before it is too late.

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It’s a Trap!!! Rendezvous with the Pirate Queen
Captain's log found near aftcastle.

Our spirits were at an all time high after ransacking the Voshgurvaghol temple and defeating the twisted shoggoth. Goethe later informed me it was not a full grown Shoggoth just a tadpole. After my soul got trapped in a gem, my crew was able to roast the tadpole shoggoth and remove all four blue soul trapping sapphires. Again I was thankful to be alive enough to enjoy the celebration. The treasure got even spicier when Goethe determined two of the gems have Aboleth Veiled Master trapped inside them. I think we should free them and have them join our crew!

We reset course for Azlant and along the way we picked up four munthrek pirates hours away from dying of thirst and exposure. We found out they were stranded by the False Pirate Queen for being too weak. That bitch is close! We invited them aboard to man the cannons and relay information about the Pirate Queen. The coral island, Caster’s Atoll, seemed like a good place to look for her.

Approaching Caster’s Atoll we saw a Pirate Queen ship, the Shredder, anchored. Blatz did some invisible scouting and found ~40 crew manning lots of siege weapons. We decided to sneak attack the Shredder at dusk to weaken the Pirate Queen’s forces. It was tricky navigating the treacherous coral reefs while Goethe disguised the ship with illusions but we managed to surprise the unaware pirates and decimate their ranks. Victory was almost within our grasp.

Then the unthinkable happened. The Deep Sea Current took a heavy bombardment of cannon fire on it’s keel. We had sailed right into a trap! The Pirate Queen’s ship the Never Enough can also sail underwater and was positioned directly below us firing cannons like mad. The next phase of her trap involved a pyre being lit on a small island at the center of the harbor, Tebrilith was about to be burned to death. Lorenz immediately summoned a griffon and soared to the pyre trying to be a big goddamned hero. The Deep Sea Current took evasive actions away from the Never Enough but ended up in the firing lane of the Shredder. The Shredder living up to it’s name tore my sails to pieces. Not wanting to be dead in the water I activated my own ship’s underwater sailing gem and headed for the pyre. I caught a glimpse of a long fuse being lit near the pyre right before I dove the ship. A frantic thought came to mind, “Vestin is going to have his hands full if that fuse leads to a powder keg!”.

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The Horrendous Experiment!!! Voshgurvaghol
Captain's log found near latrine.

My crew just keeps growing which I like. Recently added the best navigator around, Vaghol, a living rune created by a really famous lady, the Goddess Besmara. Vaghol may have tricked us into freeing him and forced his way on to the crew but he can read a map faster than I can load my musket. I fear Vaghol time with us will be short since he will have to be returned to the Goddess Besmara. I wonder how Vaghol will take that news? Lorenz knows the details so that is good enough for me.

The Kelpies Wrath kept it’s promise and took Captain Balta’s jeik and gave us a jewel that allows my ship to sail underwater like a freaking manta ray. My ship is amazing and I soon expect to find a way to make it sail through the clouds! Do we really have to give it back?

Vaghol the keen map reader pointed out the location of Voshgurvaghol, the lost Aboleth city, from the charts we stole from the Mordant Spire Elves. With great hesitation and consternation, I agreed to explore the sunken city. If any of the legends are true surrounding the Aboleth than we shouldn’t be waking the dead, but the promise of treasure outweighs all earthly fears. The best part was when I got to sail the Deep Sea Current under the waves right to the entrance of an ancient ziggurat as tall as two mountains. Ten of my village on Raptor Island could have fit into this one sunken temple. We gained entrance at the base of the pyramid by following skum tracks. We met Glubbex Gulpoth the forge’s tour guide, killed all the skum slaves, and I got to shoot the ooze out of a ooze monster. Thank God we made a few preparations for once!

From the bottom of the temple there was nowhere to go but up to the apex. As we explored it soon became clear that this temple’s purpose was to house the twisted flesh experiments of the mythic Aboleth. Jars of eyeballs, noses, ears, and mouths were found in every room. As we ascended the temple, the jars of organs we found in each successive room got bigger and bigger. Goethe had a hard-on thinking we found the birthplace of the shoggoth. I didn’t understand what he meant until later, I just wanted to reach the top and steal the blue sapphires the size of dragon eggs then hightail it. At the apex we found the largest containment pool with four blue soul stealing sapphires surrounding it. Myrrh did his thing and we quickly stole the closest gem. Easy as pulling the trigger!

Then we heard it. A few bubbles from the pool then a few more. We disturbed something big and I bet it had more than one eye and one mouth. Goethe screamed, “The Shoggoth is coming!”. I braced up waiting for the flesh monster to appear from the pool. The humongous creature crashed its way through the surface of the pool like a breaking wave and let out an endless shriek of gibbering madness. I could not seal the babbling from my mind and lost my grip on reality. When my senses finally returned my comrades were in dire straits: Aven was barely standing, Myrrh was nowhere to be found, Goethe was flailing around blindly, and Vestin was panicking. I unleashed a salvo of bullets that blew away much of the monsters backside causing the ooze to wheel and charge me. I struggled mightily against the attacks of the monstrous ooze but I was soon swallowed whole and seconds away from death. Then came nothing. The next thing I knew I was on the deck of my ship covered in black ichor reeking of burnt eyes and mouths.

I am thankful to be alive and owe my crew a life debt. Maybe munthrek can be trusted a little?

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Beyond Balta: The Rune in the Deep

“Captain Balta, what a fool. The man thought he could steal from a god, even one as unpredictable as Besmara, and avoid consequences. Again, a confident fool, but a fool nonetheless. Ghosts, undead; necromancy leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. We are now rid of the dead fool, and his dead crew, at the least. Besmara’s herald, the Kelpie’s Wrath, came upon us soon after another instance of Balta’s annoyance.”

“I must give credit where it is due. The kobold does know his way around a ship, and makes remarkable use of that tiny cannon he carries, additionally his quick reactions and calling of “parley” to the Wrath. I imagine we would have had as little success as our friend, captain Balta. Although, I still cannot call the creature “Hole Maker”. He must have a real name."

“Recently, it seems foolishness has been as abundant as the seas. I missed the halfling aboard our ship, the “pirate queen”. She stayed on the ship, under my nose, for days, and I never saw. The somewhat more divine pirate queen wants her eliminated. As this Volla Afalle made a fool of us and stole a ship and crew members from us, I’ve no compunction against it. But we have other matters to attend first."

“In our deliberations with the Wrath, we agreed to search the wreckage of the Messenger for this lost treasure of Besmara. Perhaps it was the contagious foolishness of Balta, or the seas themselves addling our brains, but we surely missed many obvious signs in an old aboleth lair, naturally laden with numerous traps and obstacles.”

“Whoever trapped this living rune, this “Vaghol”, I do not know, but they did excellent work. If only they hadn’t a penchant for riddles, we might have left with the rune in our control, instead of outside and threatening for us to conceal it from the Wrath."

“It was a troublesome ascent, but it seems we have fooled the Wrath. Now we have a living rune to deal with, one which demands more of us than I am willing to give. Additionally, our betrayal will be discovered eventually, at which point we may see what other fates the real pirate queen can conjure. If we are to defend against the inevitable, we must, no, I must, gain more power.”

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Enter!!! The Kelpies Wrath
More Captain's logs scrawled into the crow's nest

Parleys are usually as exciting as watching coral grow with captains squabbling about this and that. But parley with a gigantic sentient ship that sails underwater and can talk into your mind who also happens to be the herald of the Pirate Queen…much more exciting. The ship introduced itself as the Kelpies Wrath and wanted to make a lucrative deal with us on behalf of the Pirate Goddess Besmara. The Wrath untangled the story surrounding Captain Balta, turns out, Captain Balta smuggled a great treasure from Besmara that sunk to the seafloor after his ship, the Messenger, wrecked. Besmara wants her treasure back, wants Volla Afalle the false Pirate Queen murdered, and a favor to be named later. In return, we get a seamount of gold, good riddance of Captain Balta’s jeik, and our ship gets further mysterious magic improvements. We agreed to terms, I think, either way sounds like a win-win to me.

In preparation for our underwater excursion, priestess Kaledith was kind enough to summon her merchant friend Zylith Hoclya to outfit us in style. I ate good, crafted some underwater bullets, and sang songs while the other slaved over the details in the coming days. The Kelpie Wrath dropped us off at the burial site of the Messenger and casted some magic on us so we wouldn’t drown and die underwater. We found no treasure in the wreckage only ancient drag tracks leading to a mysterious shimmering portal at the entrance of a grotto. The portal was definitely a surprise, but we threw caution to the currents and breached the portal anyways.

Once inside the ruins, long story short, feeling proud I walked out with Besmara’s Treasure Map.

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